Life is complicated…love isn’t
“There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten, but I've loved another with all my heart and soul, and to me, this has always been enough." — Noah, The Notebook
As I write this, it is Monday, February 10th. It is the 7th Anniversary of my ex-husband’s and kid’s dad’s death. After a long battle with addiction, we separated and divorced. Shortly after everything was finalized, he died instantly in a single car head on collision. According to my kids, the day-to-day loss has gotten less intense, but these annual dates have not - they feel like yesterday. Seven years ago.
Today I am working with my husband and in-laws to plan hospice for my father-in-law. February 5th of last year he was taken to the ER and within the week we received the shocking diagnosis of glioblastoma - an incurable brain tumor. Almost a year later, we are planning hospice care.
My sister-in-law is taking of her own father while going through this.
My college friend’s father-in-law is coming home on hospice after a long battle of lung cancer.
My other college friend’s sister is awaiting lab results from her breast surgery.
Two of my college friends have buried parents.
And right now, the world feels a little unhinged - if you are unfortunately exposed to social media or the news, anyway.
AND.
One of my dearest friends is planning her wedding…and going to welcome a baby this year.
Several of my friends are fully healed and thriving after a heartbreaking, life changing divorce.
Seven years ago, I didn’t know if we would ever be ok. And now my kids get together on their own to honor their dad.
I am thankful for every day I have my parents.
I have found the love of my life, soul sisters, and community. The belonging I always longed for? I have it - in me.
I don’t want to - I won’t - take one thing, one day for granted.
Life is hard. Life can be devastatingly hard. Life is complicated. Life is Both/And. Life is hard and beautiful. Life is complicated and so worth it. We may say goodbye to one life as another one enters the world - that’s life, a dichotomy of contradictions.
What isn’t hard? What isn’t complicated? LOVE.
Oh, I know that love can be hard and complicated. But the very essence of love is so simple and pure. Love itself isn’t complicated - we make it complicated. So, when life gets hard and complicated…come back to the simple and pure essence of love.
Who do you love? What do you love? Why do you love them? What does love look like, sound like, feel like? There is more than enough love…it’s overflowing and abundant. There is more than enough to go around.
I was doing some breathwork - which allows me to be in my body and feel my emotions and let them go - when I was guided to think of love. I went from feeling the heaviness and sadness with everything going on - which is ok because it does fees heavy and sad - to immense gratitude. Gratitude for love.
There would not be sadness or the pain of loss without LOVE - the ability to love so much - is also what allows us to feel the loss of it. Just like you can’t feel the immense feeling of JOY without knowing what despair or sadness is. So to love that much…well, it’s a gift. Because it wouldn’t hurt if we didn’t care.
My very first time doing breathwork we came to the part of gratitude. The very first thing that popped into my mind was my ex-husband. I was a little surprised, but then came the clarity…”Thank you for showing me how strong I am.” The second thing that immediately popped up were my kids…”Thank you for showing me how to love.” And last but not least, my husband…”Thank you for showing me how to be loved.”
I am grateful to have the capacity to love BIG. I am grateful for the learnings and the lessons. I am mostly grateful for the relationships.
So, even if the hard and heaviness, I will be grateful that I have loved - I have had the opportunity to love so many people in so many ways that the struggle or the loss is impactful. After all, isn’t that why we are here - to leave an impact on the lives of those who love us? I have always told my kids that I hope my legacy is that I loved Jesus and others well.
I used to really struggle with my highly sensitive empathetic personality - being told I was too much and felt too deep. Now I know that it is a superpower - well, and my kryptonite if I am not careful.
But how lucky am I? To love so big, to feel so deep?
What this has really shown me in the past month is that gratitude truly shifts our focus and changes our life, love is simple, yet so powerful, and we have only this one precious life.
ONE precious life…to live it well, out loud, big, boldly, in awe, moving forward, believing in faith, miracles, and magic.
Because to live life with love…is always enough.
“To love another person is to see the face of God.” ― Victor Hugo, Les Misérables
February 12th | 5-8pm | Buda Galentine’s Day - Including Shopping, Cocktails, Galentines, and FUN!
Ther Mercantile
Hays Co Outfitters
Saint Montogren’s Florist
Ellipsis Boutique
Buda’s Red Door
Posie
Zoi Market
Siren Beauty & Wellness
February 16th | 2-4pm | Somatic Yoga & Breathwork @ Willowgardens Buda with Jen Baker
Come release, reframe, connect within and with others, and breathe in all the LOVE!
Journey to Breakthrough: Somatic Yoga and Breathwork
A somatic yoga class designed to bring balance to the body and the mind through holding poses and exploring what each pose has to offer you. When we slow down, we relax the nervous system, focus on our breath, and become more emotionally, mentally, and physically resilient. Followed by a somatic breathwork session to release what no longer serves us and create space and breathe in more of what we want and need - A powerful practice to connect within, reduce stress, and regulate the nervous system.
February 18th | 6-8pm | Ladies LOL | Water2Wine Buda
Join us to celebrate the New Year and learn how to commit to daily habits that will help us achieve the goals we set and live a life we love. Jaime Mattox - Daily Habits Coach - will be our guest speaker!
Let’s GROW together this year!